By law, any baby born after 24 weeks must be either buried or cremated but it is your choice whether to have a funeral. Many parents choose to have a funeral for their baby or babies as a chance to say goodbye and a celebration of their lives.
While many people choose a traditional funeral, you may prefer a less formal non-religious arrangement. Choose what's right for you. Parents have told us that although the day was sad, it can also be a positive and beautiful experience and a way to honour their baby or babies' lives.
What do I need to do to arrange a funeral?
Once you have registered the death, you will need to choose a funeral director and start thinking about the type of funeral arrangements you want. Families who decide to have a postmortem have to wait for the specialist to undertake the procedure before starting funeral arrangements. Not all funeral directors charge a fee for babies' funerals. You can approach any funeral director to ask about their policy and the service they offer. Your hospital may also be able to help you explore your options.
You may wish to consider a celebrant that specialises in baby loss who can help you plan your funeral. Some parents choose this option as this type of specialist celebrant can be good at helping parents think through what they want at a time when they may not be thinking clearly.
Is there help available to pay for a funeral?
The cost of cremation or burial itself is covered by the Children's Funeral Fund for England. The funding is for loss after the 24th week of pregnancy and the cremation or burial must take place in England. It is not means tested: what you earn or how much you have in savings will not affect what you get. Your funeral director can apply for this on your behalf.
Children's Funeral Fund for England
Additional help is also available from the Child Funeral Charity who can help with elements of the funeral that are not covered by the Children' Funeral Fund, for example, flowers or orders of service.
Can I have a funeral for a baby that has been miscarried (before 24 weeks' gestation)?
It is usually possible to arrange a funeral or memorial service for a baby that has died before 24 weeks' gestation. You do not need to register the death, but your hospital midwife will give you a form to fill in, which the crematorium may need a copy of if you are choosing this option. Not all crematoria provide this service and there won't be any ashes for you to scatter afterwards.
If you would prefer a burial, in some hospitals or clinics it may be possible to arrange a burial in the grounds or you can arrange to have a burial at home. However, you may need to consult your local authority before doing so.
Unlike other funerals for babies, there is no government funding for miscarriage. However, some crematoria or cemeteries will waive or reduce their fees.
Some things you may wish to think about
- For the funeral, some people like to celebrate the special relationship between their multiples, for example how they dress their children, their choice of poems or readings.
- If there is a surviving baby or babies, you might like to place, for example, a teddy in the coffin on their body and keep an identical one for their twin or triplet.
- If you decide to bury your baby or babies at home, some parents place their babies in soft material inside a box and bury it in the garden. Some parents prefer to use a waterproof box, in case they wish to take it with them if they move house.
- Some parents bury the bodies by a young tree in their garden and the growth of the tree is a source of comfort.
- Instead of a funeral service, some parents choose to scatter the ashes of their baby or babies in a place that holds meaning to them.
- For those parents who don't have anything left of their baby or babies to bury, some choose to plant a tree or a flowering shrub in their garden or local park as a mark of remembrance.
- Some parents mark the loss with something simple such as lighting a candle and saying a few words with family or releasing balloons or petals.
Remember
There's no right or wrong way to say goodbye to your baby or babies. You may choose to do something entirely different to what other families have chosen. Do what's right for you. They are your baby or babies - how to say goodbye and remember them is whichever way feels special to you.
Many parents like to find ways to remember their baby or babies and this can be an important part of healing and a source of comfort. We have lots of information and ideas to help you find a way to remember your baby or babies in a way that feels special to you.